Journal,
It’s
extraordinary being matched to Cassia! I’ve always loved her (but not in that
way), but I never thought that we could possibly be together! Well, now that I
think of it, we are perfect for each other; our thoughts seem to always be in
sync, and we know everything there is to know about each other. We have been
best friends for a very long time (our whole lives, to be exact), but we
couldn’t possibly dare even think of the possibility that we may be matched!
It is wonderful
actually knowing your Match; when the other boys are chattering about how
beautiful their Matches are, and what they hope their girl will be like, I
don’t have to waste time imagining. I could just turn around and hold hands
with Cassia, and this has never made me happier. However, I do sometimes wish
that I had a chance to guess, and imagine how my first outing would be like
with my Match... But this is an unacceptable thought, which is unfair to me,
Cassia and the Society. They did a perfect job matching us together and it
doesn’t do one good to question their actions, or think about what might have
been.
I know Cassia
thinks about what it would be like to have been Matched with someone else; I
can see it in her eyes every time Em mentions her Match. She seems to stare into
the distance, and forget about the conversation, and when I rub her shoulders
or hold her hand, she jumps back into reality. I must say that this hurts me a
little; aren’t I good enough for her? Why can’t she just be happy with what she
has and stop imagining an impossible future? I know this is harsh to say, and I
regret saying it. I’m like that too, and I bet she can notice it too.
However, I don’t
think this is the only thing that’s bothering her at the moment. One day, when we
were in the games room, she slipped away from me (she seems to think that I
didn’t notice—and I pretended not to) and came back a few minutes later looking
pale as a cloud. I didn’t bring it up at all, because whatever she had done
must have frightened her. I know better than to dig into other’s lives; my
mother always tells me to ‘mind my own business!’ which I often find hard to
do.
Also, a few days
ago I found Cassia mumbling to herself in school. She said something about rage
and a gentle night... It seemed to be the talk of an Anomaly, but I figured
that the death of her grandfather was really bothering her. I questioned her
about this, but she shrugged it off as one of the Hundred Poems (which, I can
assure you, contain nothing about a raging gentle night!). I don’t know why she
lied to me, but for the rest of the day, she just looked... lost.
I’m afraid
something has changed in the Cassia that I know and love, but I hope it does
nothing to change our relationship in any way. I have to get to Training, but I
promise I will write again soon.
Sincerely,
Xander
I
chose to write a journal entry for Xander because he is Cassia’s best friend
and Match. He is the smart, calm, collected one that Cassia loves. This is the
time in his life, even though he doesn’t know it, when he is losing his best
friend and Match to another boy. He may sense that she is changing, but he
doesn’t know what. He never suspects that it may be another boy, much less Ky
Markham, who is making Cassia act so differently.
Xander
is vital because he is what brings Cassia back into reality. She knows that she
loves him, that he loves her, and that she could never leave him (even though,
in the end, she does). He is everything that she knows about the world, and
leaving him would be leaving the world she grew up in.
In the
book, Cassia is whisked away by a female Official while Xander is playing a
game. She seems to think that Xander didn’t notice her disappearance, but as
Xander is described as someone who knows many things and can tell a lot about a
person just by looking at them. I think that he must’ve noticed his Match
leave, and then come back looking confused, and lost. He must’ve known that
something was wrong about his best friend, a girl he’s known all his life, and
know that she is jealous of the other girls who don’t know their Matches.
Therefore, I had Xander stew over Cassia’s new behaviour, and think of ideas
that might be the reason for the change.