Response to Leon's Blog: Quotation 3

I thought you did a great job summing up the events of the middle/end of the novel, and explaining how this quote was relevant. It helped me better understand the book (since I haven't read it yet), and what happened in it. Everything was well written and had a nice flow to it. Your connections (text/text, text/self, text/world) were very good, and they had clear connections to the quote from the novel. You supported the connections well, and they were creative and well though out, and the research was a good added brownie point. 

However, I found that in the second paragraph (talking about children disobeying their parents and stealing cookies from the cookie jar), you repeated yourself a couple times. For example:

Despite this, when you’re not be watched after (when the forces of civilization, law, and rules are not there), you might do something you’re not supposed to do, like climbing up a chair to reach the cookie jar, or reaching to grab some candy. We realize that it’s the wrong thing to do, but when the forces of rules and law are not there, anyone would act the way we did.

 In this paragraph, you stated that "the forces of civilization, law and rules aren't there" twice; almost the same phrasing both times. This paragraph would have had the same flow, and have made more sense if this had only been used once; preferably the first time. Also, the first sentence here is a little run-on, and in desperate need of a period somewhere in the middle. Also, your last paragraph contained more than one thought (underage drinking and Dumbledore), and that would have been more correct if it had been split into two paragraphs into one (yes, yes, I know that assignment said two paragraphs, but four small ones with defined statements is always better than two big jumbled ones).

Otherwise, I really liked your connections and your writing was well-written and easily understood. You explained what the quote referred to, and how it was significant to the story. Your quote seemed to well reflect the themes of the story, and highlight the events of the novel.

Link to blog post: 
http://lordofthefliesclassic.blogspot.ca/2013/04/quotation-3.html