Response to Adam's Blog: Blog Post 4 Part 1

Wow, Adam, you're first journal entry actually made me terrified of this girl. I really saw how mentally unstable this girl was, and how hard it would be to survive with her. Even through her craziness, I understood what was going on with her, and I almost felt sorry (almost). I could really see a girl like her writing this (you even managed to do it without *that much* profanity), and I could really feel the confidence she exerts. Your response to her journal was good, and explained what she was like, and what she did what she did. However, I think you could have explained a little more about how she was vital to the story.

The second entry really felt emotionless (I was confused at first as to why you did this, but as I later found it out; it was intentional) and almost... forced (on his part). It seems like something Kazuo Kiriyama would write, and feel no emotional impact from doing so much harm to his classmates. Your response was good, but I think you should have put the first few sentences together. For example, "This is probably the hardest person to do a journal for. Kazuo Kiriyama has no emotions. He would not feel sadness if his parents died. He would not feel joy if he won the lottery. He had apparently had a partial lobotomy of his brain while in his mother. It was a result of a car crash that killed both his parents." Could've been turned into something like: "This was probably the hardest journal to write, as Kazuo Kiriyama has no emotions. He would not feel sadness if his parents died, nor joy if he won the lottery. This is because his parents were in a car crash (before or after he was born, I didn't understand), and gave him a partial lobotomy". It would have added a better flow to the paragraph, and made it less chopped up. Otherwise, I think you did a fine job bringing out the thoughts of this sociopathic ninth grader.

Shinji Mimura's journal was good; it seemed laid-back yet with a 'let's do this!' kind of attitude. He really seems to want to win this thing, and get back at the government for all the harm they've caused. Your response was good, but in the second paragraph, you didn't expand on why you thought it was hard (but easy) to write Shinji's entry. I liked the drama paradox with Shinji's mysogenia, yet still having a crush on that girl. I found it quite entertaining, and I'd love to know what happens later (oh, wait, he was killed... never mind).

I really liked Nariko Nakagawa's haikus, and I can imagine that it took quite a long time to get the syllables in the right place. It was different, indeed, than what you wrote before, but it added a good bit of colour to your set of entries.  Your poetry was good, but it didn't have a good flow, like haikus usually have (yes, yes, I know you're a 13 year-old boy writing poetry, but still! Make it flow better!). However, a high five for the effort!
The love she had for Shuya was quite obvious, but a nice change from Shinji's entry. Your response was good, but once again, you didn't add include why you thought the character was vital to the story.

All in all, I think you did a great job-- your entries had a good flow to them (mostly) and they were very well written, while your responses really told a lot about the characters and who they were.