Xander's Journal - PRIVATE

Journal,

It’s extraordinary being matched to Cassia! I’ve always loved her (but not in that way), but I never thought that we could possibly be together! Well, now that I think of it, we are perfect for each other; our thoughts seem to always be in sync, and we know everything there is to know about each other. We have been best friends for a very long time (our whole lives, to be exact), but we couldn’t possibly dare even think of the possibility that we may be matched!

It is wonderful actually knowing your Match; when the other boys are chattering about how beautiful their Matches are, and what they hope their girl will be like, I don’t have to waste time imagining. I could just turn around and hold hands with Cassia, and this has never made me happier. However, I do sometimes wish that I had a chance to guess, and imagine how my first outing would be like with my Match... But this is an unacceptable thought, which is unfair to me, Cassia and the Society. They did a perfect job matching us together and it doesn’t do one good to question their actions, or think about what might have been.

I know Cassia thinks about what it would be like to have been Matched with someone else; I can see it in her eyes every time Em mentions her Match. She seems to stare into the distance, and forget about the conversation, and when I rub her shoulders or hold her hand, she jumps back into reality. I must say that this hurts me a little; aren’t I good enough for her? Why can’t she just be happy with what she has and stop imagining an impossible future? I know this is harsh to say, and I regret saying it. I’m like that too, and I bet she can notice it too.

However, I don’t think this is the only thing that’s bothering her at the moment. One day, when we were in the games room, she slipped away from me (she seems to think that I didn’t notice—and I pretended not to) and came back a few minutes later looking pale as a cloud. I didn’t bring it up at all, because whatever she had done must have frightened her. I know better than to dig into other’s lives; my mother always tells me to ‘mind my own business!’ which I often find hard to do.

Also, a few days ago I found Cassia mumbling to herself in school. She said something about rage and a gentle night... It seemed to be the talk of an Anomaly, but I figured that the death of her grandfather was really bothering her. I questioned her about this, but she shrugged it off as one of the Hundred Poems (which, I can assure you, contain nothing about a raging gentle night!). I don’t know why she lied to me, but for the rest of the day, she just looked... lost.

I’m afraid something has changed in the Cassia that I know and love, but I hope it does nothing to change our relationship in any way. I have to get to Training, but I promise I will write again soon.

Sincerely,

Xander

I chose to write a journal entry for Xander because he is Cassia’s best friend and Match. He is the smart, calm, collected one that Cassia loves. This is the time in his life, even though he doesn’t know it, when he is losing his best friend and Match to another boy. He may sense that she is changing, but he doesn’t know what. He never suspects that it may be another boy, much less Ky Markham, who is making Cassia act so differently.

Xander is vital because he is what brings Cassia back into reality. She knows that she loves him, that he loves her, and that she could never leave him (even though, in the end, she does). He is everything that she knows about the world, and leaving him would be leaving the world she grew up in.

In the book, Cassia is whisked away by a female Official while Xander is playing a game. She seems to think that Xander didn’t notice her disappearance, but as Xander is described as someone who knows many things and can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them. I think that he must’ve noticed his Match leave, and then come back looking confused, and lost. He must’ve known that something was wrong about his best friend, a girl he’s known all his life, and know that she is jealous of the other girls who don’t know their Matches. Therefore, I had Xander stew over Cassia’s new behaviour, and think of ideas that might be the reason for the change.